[week five - thursday]

[ceded]

[ Tired is starting to feel like such an inadequate word for how she feels all the time.

Sunset on Thursday finds her sitting on the porch of the hotel, bracing the heels of her palms on the wood beneath her and staring up at the sky. Watching blue slowly fade into purple and orange reminds her of...

... long ago times, that she'll never have again.

It's nicer to while away the time out here than it is inside. She always gets caught up in her own head when she stays in the hotel lounge, her thoughts chasing themselves in increasingly nasty circles and haunted by images she can't forget burned into the backs of her eyelids. Out here, with a faint breeze stirring her hair, she feels more ... peaceful.

What she isn't expecting is...

... ...

Really, it's probably not a good thing she's gotten so attached.

But she'll smile anyway, even if he can't see it, when he approaches. ]

Hey, Shinnosuke.

[ She's not ... like, cheerful. Honestly, she hasn't been that way in a long while. But this is ... the best she can do, you know? ]

Comments

[insincerely]

... If there's a leader, then there's something they have to be a leader of.

[Hmm.]

Why do you think that?

[Then again, the Sheriff did mention how there were other conditions to end the game beyond the last one standing.]

[ceded]

... someone told me. Someone I trust, so I believe them. But ... they didn't explain much more to me than that. All I really know is that there's a leader and killing them ends the game.

[ She turns her head to smoosh her cheek on her knee, which might have the effect of making her voice sound a little squashed, too. ]

... I've spent all week trying to find out who it could be with no success.

[insincerely]

First I've heard of it. But if killing them really could end the game...

[If killing a single person could end the game... then it might be worth going for it. It's disgusting to think about, but...]

So you plan on going that route, then?

[ceded]

... I've thought about it, [ she admits quietly. ] I've thought a lot about whether or not I could kill to play the game at all. If the leader turned out to be someone I really cared about... I don't think I could do it.

It shouldn't be me. If I tried, and failed... it would be a disaster. But I'd probably... try and find some way to help someone else do it.

[ There's a pause, and she gives a little mirthless laugh. ]

That must sound so horrible.

[insincerely]

[Shinnosuke shrugs, smiling.]

I'm an awful person, remember? I'd probably do it. [...] Well, maybe if it was someone I cared about... maybe not.

[In the end, he might be a coward too.]

A disaster, though? What, are you worried that you'll embarrass yourself in your failed murder attempt?

[ceded]

[ .... ]

If I tried and failed, the leader would know they'd been found out. And then ... who knows what would happen?

[insincerely]

You think they'd kill everyone or something?

[ceded]

[ He'll be able to feel her shrug. ]

They'd definitely kill me. After that, who knows?

[insincerely]

... Is there a reason you'd personally go after them—or rather, help someone else go after them, instead of outing them to the public? Weren't you the person who, at the start, wanted to share everything with everyone?

[Then again, things went downhill from there.]

[ceded]

[ Well. That's a good question, and it gives her cause to think. And the honest answer is: ]

I guess I just hadn't even gotten that far. It's not like I know who they are. If I really did find out, for real...

[ ... ]

I don't know, [ she says, and the answer is something of a revelation even to her. ] If I told everyone, that person wouldn't be able to hide. We might not even have to kill them. But, for some reason... the thought of doing that makes me feel nervous.

[insincerely]

[...]

Well, to me, the reason seems pretty obvious. You'd be asking the public to lynch them—someone who could be completely innocent, beyond the bad luck of having that role. And even if we wouldn't have to kill them... not everyone might immediately assume that.

Until you know who it is, it's risky pulling off a move like that.

[ceded]

... I guess I'll figure it out if I ever find out who it is. [ With soft, somewhat rhetorical humor. This is all a hypothetical, anyway. ]

Do you think ... we can keep working together, Shinnosuke?

[insincerely]

... Please don't tell me you're asking all of your friends that. Someone's bound to take advantage of you, sooner or later.

[ceded]

What? No! I ... well, the only person I think I'd need to ask is you.

[ Somewhat wry. ]

[insincerely]

[...]

Please tell me you mean that in the sense of, "Shinnosuke, you're such an asshole that I don't think cooperation is a given" and not in any other way.

[ceded]

[ what

what???

help her nothing about this conversation has gone quite like she expected ]

W-Was I supposed to mean it some other way?!

[ totally clueless

so you're safe, shinnosuke ]

[insincerely]

Just checking. [Phew.] You're cooperating with a lot of people, then? Good for you.

[ceded]

... yes? [ She says it like a question. ] I'm trying. There's a lot I want to do. I want to solve this with everyone. I want ... everyone to be able to smile again.

[insincerely]

[I want everyone to be able to smile again... huh? It's such an innocent dream that he supposes it's very Xion-like.

... It'd be nice if that could happen.]

Just be careful. Someone, at some point, is probably going to lie to you.

[ceded]

I'm sure someone already has.

[ She says this without malice. Mostly just with a tired-sounding sigh. ]

There are a lot of nice people here, but I've started to learn that being nice doesn't really mean anything. Higekiri was nice, but he was a bandit. And... we never figured out a lot of the killers. They're still here, and they've been lying to all of us for a long time.

[insincerely]

[He smiles grimly.]

Yeah... as long as you're aware of that. [...] Don't let yourself be used, Xion.

[ceded]

I'll try, [ she says, but she doesn't sound entirely too convinced of it.

If someone's trying to use her, will she even know? ]

You wouldn't try to use me, would you, Shinnosuke? [ there's a faint note of teasing in her voice, but it's partly a little serious, too. She doesn't actually believe that he would. But all the same, it's a question she should really be asking of everyone she knows, isn't it? ]

[insincerely]

[He's hoping that she'll know (somehow).]

I dunno, it might be fun to watch you run around in circles. [He waves a hand.] Seriously, though, why would I want to do something that requires me actually having to talk to people?

[ceded]

[ Lifts a hand,

and pokes Shinnosuke in the head.

And then pushes, which will shove his head sideways, at least until she stops. ]

You, [ she states somewhat dryly, somewhat with the faintest of hidden laughs, ] are a big jerk.

[insincerely]

[Wow?? Shinnosuke will be lightly batting her hand away.]

It's what I specialize in.