[week six - monday]

[ceded]

[ As promised, she'll find him. It's one of her few breaks from either the kitchen or the graveyard today. She's been keeping to herself a lot, though not exactly avoiding people; just ... not going out of her way to find them.

Except, of course, for Shinnosuke. He's become the exception to a lot of things in her life.

She'll wear a smile when she finds him, little though he'll be able to see it, but maybe he can hear it in her voice. Before she even speaks, he'll know her by the now-familiar way she takes his sleeve. ]

Shinnosuke, hey. Are you busy?

Comments

[insincerely]

[He can't see Xion's reaction, but he can guess. She's... probably a little heartbroken, he figures. Maybe more than a little. That's the price of choosing to believe in others. It's why he's kept his distance, and even now, he's bracing himself for betrayal—from her, especially.

Even he wouldn't be able to bear that without faltering.

He doesn't know what Xion means when she wonders about when he was in the stocks. He's not sure if he wants to.]

... Talk to Percy, at least. He needs to know that I told you. [A pause, before he laughs bitterly.] Geez, he's going to be pissed off. I seriously wasn't supposed to...

[Why did he? He still doesn't entirely know. Damn it, Percy really is going to be upset with him.

Slumping a tad and leaning forward, he continues, more quietly.]

Frankly, I thought you were the Deputy at first. Then, that it was Dr. Lecter and he was using you. [...] That was... part of why I kept warning you. Not to let yourself be manipulated, I mean.

[This next part, too, is another risk to say, but he feels he has to admit it—even though, again, it may not be for logical reasons.]

I've lied to you as well. [Perhaps part of his insistence stemmed from his own guilt.] But please believe me when I say that it was never to hurt you, and that everything I've said now is the truth.

[Not all of the truth, but as much as he can give her right now. If it's everything that he knows... that impacts more than just him, and he can't endanger others with his own selfishness.]

[ceded]

... Percy ...

[ She actually laughs, a truly heartbroken sound. ]

He is going to be mad. I'll say I made you tell me, don't worry. He's ... been trying to protect me. I guess now I see why.

[ ... ]

If I'd been the Deputy, I would have tried to protect everyone, [ she whispers, finding herself staring at the ceiling again. ] That's the one thing I've always felt like I could never do. The morning I found out you were in the stocks was ... one of the scariest things I've ever--

[ ..... ]

I know, [ is what she ends up saying, the words a sigh. ] I lied to you, too. Knowing anything about the Bounty Leader could be really dangerous, and I didn't want to put you at risk.

[ There's quiet, for a moment.

Then Xion finally lets go of his arm, but it's only to find his hand, instead. She curls her fingers through his, gentle as anything, and finally leans her head on his shoulder, actually made somewhat easier by the fact that he's leaning forward. There, and only there, will she shut her eyes.

This might be one of the only places she can really feel safe anymore. ]

I trust you. [ Now her voice is a whisper as she reaffirms those words. ] I'm with you till the very end, Shinnosuke.

[insincerely]

...

[It might be a surprise to Xion—it's a surprise to Shinnosuke—but when she finishes speaking, when she takes his hand and leans on him, he lets out a choked laugh, the energy fleeing his body. (He can't cry, not since the damage to his eyes, but he almost wants to.) It's such a relief, to be told that.

He thought she might hate him. That she might never trust him again.

He wasn't sure what he would do, if that happened.]

... I think Seizaburo might've been a Bandit that week. He's probably why I'm still alive.

[...]

Thank you.

[Not to Sei, though he supposes that he should thank her too, if he gets the chance.

But to Xion, for being with him until the end. Telling her might've still been a mistake, and he'll have to face Percy's wrath, but until then... if only for this moment, he'll choose to believe.]

[ceded]

[ It isn't really what she was expecting to hear. But then again, she wasn't really sure how she thought he'd react. A broken laugh was as likely as any other response.

She can't help but think about what it means, her faith in him. She had faith in Hannibal, too. In Sei. In Chane. She has been betrayed over and over and over, been forced to dramatically readjust how it is she even sees other people.

She wants to believe Shinnosuke doesn't have a role, like he says. That he really is telling him the truth right now. That he cares for her, that he really does trust her, that he isn't doing this to manipulate her into a false sense of security so he can turn around and, perhaps quite literally, stab her in the back.

All she can do is believe. Maybe once, just once, she won't have her heart broken.

In the end, all she does is hum a very gentle mhm, still holding his hand and leaning against him. She knows they should keep going, name more names and discuss the problems and the challenges, but she's kind of still reeling. They can return to this later. ]

Can we stay here for a while?

[insincerely]

[Honestly, part of why he wanted to do this to begin with was to gauge her opinion of Hannibal, but... with that done, he supposes the rest can wait, even though they really should get to it.

There's so much to dread (Percy's reaction being one of them; he has no justification for this), so much to worry about. Still, the exhaustion has caught up with him. He chides himself for it, because he shouldn't be so weak, and yet, he still is.]

... Yeah, sure.

[As always, he should push her away. He shouldn't let her get close. As always, though, he can never bring himself to go all the way. He's fairly certain that whatever she feels for him, it's not requited, but...

This is the cost of loneliness, in the end.]