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[week .... seven .... - wednesday]
[ why @ god.
Xion's made a lot of mistakes in her life. Some she knows about; some she hasn't even begun to understand.
Reaching out to Hannibal one last time is something she knew it for the mistake it was. Somehow, though, even then, even knowing that it was a bad idea, that she'd've flipped out if Natalie tried to do the same--
--she still didn't expect that he'd write back to her. Why didn't she think--?
Of course he'd have to have the last word.
The day she gets the letter - which happens to be Monday - she stares at it in abject horror and ignores it. She daydreams about tearing it into tiny pieces and throwing them out and never even giving Hannibal the satisfaction of knowing she didn't read it, because why should he ever get anything else from her again?
But it's only an idle dream. The letter sits on her floor, a curse, a beacon, something that inevitably draws her eyes. She doesn't sleep for two days.
Very early Wednesday morning she crawls out of bed, folds herself up on the floor, picks up the letter, opens it, and starts to read.
Since she died she's been prone to wandering the train, interacting with the others or otherwise just trying to stay calm as the time winds away and they have no knowledge of what's happening with the living. Wednesday is the day that stops happening. Wednesday, Xion doesn't show up at all. Wednesday she spends in her room with the curtains drawn, curled up on her bed with the letter before her and staring at it endlessly, trying to will herself to move and failing every time.
It's why, when she initially hears a knock at the door, she looks up but does not move to answer. ]
Xion's made a lot of mistakes in her life. Some she knows about; some she hasn't even begun to understand.
Reaching out to Hannibal one last time is something she knew it for the mistake it was. Somehow, though, even then, even knowing that it was a bad idea, that she'd've flipped out if Natalie tried to do the same--
--she still didn't expect that he'd write back to her. Why didn't she think--?
Of course he'd have to have the last word.
The day she gets the letter - which happens to be Monday - she stares at it in abject horror and ignores it. She daydreams about tearing it into tiny pieces and throwing them out and never even giving Hannibal the satisfaction of knowing she didn't read it, because why should he ever get anything else from her again?
But it's only an idle dream. The letter sits on her floor, a curse, a beacon, something that inevitably draws her eyes. She doesn't sleep for two days.
Very early Wednesday morning she crawls out of bed, folds herself up on the floor, picks up the letter, opens it, and starts to read.
Since she died she's been prone to wandering the train, interacting with the others or otherwise just trying to stay calm as the time winds away and they have no knowledge of what's happening with the living. Wednesday is the day that stops happening. Wednesday, Xion doesn't show up at all. Wednesday she spends in her room with the curtains drawn, curled up on her bed with the letter before her and staring at it endlessly, trying to will herself to move and failing every time.
It's why, when she initially hears a knock at the door, she looks up but does not move to answer. ]
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When her knock goes unanswered, she chews on her lip for a few moments, nearly sick with worry. After a moment or two or no response, she wonders if the younger girl is hiding somewhere else on the train, but... She should be certain, she thinks, and so she speaks after a moment.]
Xion? It's me, Natalie. You there?
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But she hears the worry in her best friend's voice and it makes her chest ache, so much more than it already does.
It takes a long few moments, but eventually she'll open the door a crack. It's dim inside, and Xion looks a little haggard. ]
...
[ She tries to speak, and in the end, nothing comes out. There's no good way to explain what's wrong. ]
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For a few moments, she hesitates, but then she speaks.]
...Can I come in?
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When she walks in, she'll find Xion is already back in her bed. Before her is a letter, unfolded and open, as if she were just reading it.
Which she was. She hasn't been able to stop rereading it all day. ]
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Glancing at the paper and then back to the girl, her voice is soft.]
You wanna tell me what it says?
[It's an honest question. Does she want to talk about it?]
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[ her voice is rather dull. ]
I gave Hannibal a letter a few days ago.
[ Natalie can probably surmise the rest from there. Xion won't gesture or move; but Natalie is free to pick it up for herself, if she likes. ]
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But then she remembers what the end of the latter says and animates all at once. ]
Wait -- no!
[ She'll snatch it back with alarm writ large across her features, her shoulders shaking. ]
... how far did you get?
[ did she see the part
about herself? ]
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She is the one that had a Becoming. God. When Xion grabs the paper away, she jumps slightly, letting go of the letter as the younger girl grabs for it. Instinctively:]
Sorry! Sorry.
[She didn't mean to invade her privacy or anything like that, so she lets her take the letter back with no protests. Besides, she doesn't really want to read any more of it. ]
I got to the part about Percy talking about monsters. Why, what's wrong?
[Xion doesn't need to know, she thinks, that she got farther.]
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... I--
[ ... ]
Can I ask you something? Do you think ... I could kill someone?
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...Not without it breaking you.
[From her tone, she doesn't think that's a negative thing.]
You're a good person. You aren't the villain in any story. Fuck him, honestly.
[She hates him, she hates him, she hates him. It coils in her stomach.]
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... he said he was my villain. But that's ... not even right. Even if my life were a story... that role already belongs to someone else.
[ her words are slow and careful. she sounds, however, exhausted beyond belief. ]
I'm -- I'm sorry, he ... he mentioned you, and...
[ ... natalie has been hurt enough, she thinks. ]
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[She says this knowing she will not be able to shake herself free from the influence he's left on her for many years, if ever. Still, that isn't what Xion needs to hear. A light frown appears on her face when she mentions there's a section about her, though.
A quick shake of her head before she responds.]
You don't need to apologize. Do you want me to read it, so I understand the whole thing, or would you rather I not?
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[ She starts, and then cuts herself off, looking down. It's a conscious effort to unclench her hands. ]
I don't ... want them to be able to hurt you anymore. Not ever again.
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[She says, already drafting a letter to him in return for this in her mind.]
They won't, I promise. But you have to promise that you won't talk to either of them again, okay?
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And then just kind of ... slumps. She hasn't done anything all day, and yet, somehow she has no energy. ]
I won't. It was stupid to even try. It's just...
[ ... vague hand gestures. natalie will probably get it more than most. ]
... I won't. But it's so hard not to want to tell him he's wrong.
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I hate them both so much I want to scream every time I think about them. I bet it's like that for you too, huh? Probably even worse.
[After all, for all the fury that still races through her at just the thought of them, if they did to Xion what they did to her—
It would have been much, much harder for her to move past. Her rage would have been endless, she thinks.]