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[week two - friday evening]
[ Today was not a good day.
Xion isn't taking it as hard as she was the first week, but she's also exhausted. She hasn't slept since Wednesday night, and her tiredness drags at her the way a physical illness would, sticking to her bones and making her chest feel weak. She needs to get some rest, and soon.
But for now, she's still awake, mostly because there were people she wanted to talk to. Noctis is first among them, and spotting him in the hotel's lounge is ideal. The moment she sees him there she...
...promptly skedaddles, because she has a Plan, you see.
It takes her a few minutes, but she'll return not long after with two mugs in her hands. Somewhat shy, she'll approach him with a little smile. ]
Hey. I thought you might want something warm to drink?
[ It's tea. Adults like tea, right? Probably? ... she made herself cocoa, so. ]
Xion isn't taking it as hard as she was the first week, but she's also exhausted. She hasn't slept since Wednesday night, and her tiredness drags at her the way a physical illness would, sticking to her bones and making her chest feel weak. She needs to get some rest, and soon.
But for now, she's still awake, mostly because there were people she wanted to talk to. Noctis is first among them, and spotting him in the hotel's lounge is ideal. The moment she sees him there she...
...promptly skedaddles, because she has a Plan, you see.
It takes her a few minutes, but she'll return not long after with two mugs in her hands. Somewhat shy, she'll approach him with a little smile. ]
Hey. I thought you might want something warm to drink?
[ It's tea. Adults like tea, right? Probably? ... she made herself cocoa, so. ]
no subject
I never said anything like that! I just think ... that you're going to make the wrong person suffer to get what you want! [ Her voice raises, and fury creeps across her expression. ] Of course we should fight back! What's happening is wrong, and I want to stop it just as much as you do! But what makes you think the Sheriff has a choice?! He was made for this! He told us that himself! You're blaming him for the things his employers are making him do. You're not going to hurt them by hurting him! They aren't even going to care! After all, he's just a robot, right? You can't just...
[ She visibly struggles with the words, frustrated and now a bit pink high in her cheeks. ]
Get rid of anyone who inconveniences you!
no subject
[what the hell kind of logic is that?]
I'm not interested in saving the guy that keeps us in this situation! You think he's gonna feel anything, or have someone who misses him? The only time he even gets mad is when we won't follow his damn rules anyway!
[this aggravates him. he thinks higher of xion than this.]
Listen to me. If you want to sympathize and live in some crappy stockholm-syndrome [shhhh let's pretend that phrase makes sense in a world where stockholm doesn't exist because i have no equivalent.] life of feeling bad for the guys that don't care about us at all, then go ahead.
But I've lived this life already. I've seen what hunks of metal who listen to their bosses without sympathy for who they drag along do. I've lost enough to assholes like him and his bosses. If fighting back means taking someone out of commission who will do the damn same to us first if we get in their way... then it's what we have to do. You don't have do dirty your hands with it, but I'm not gonna sit back and let them get what they want, and if there's only one way to stop them from getting the 39 of us left killed? Someone's gonna have to do it.
But you won't get anywhere giving those guys the benefit of the doubt. They don't care about you. Maybe you need to look at who is trying to help you and who isn't. Getting rid of anyone who inconveniences someone is what they do. Think about who does care about you first.
We're trying to get rid of a threat on our lives and put everyone back where they belong. There's a difference. Try to open your eyes and see that.
[he doesn't give a damn about the sheriff, because the sheriff doesn't give a damn about any of them. he's programmed to run a sick and twisted game, just like the magitek troopers are programmed to target and kill him. this whole situations hits dangerously close to home and a very raw way to him, and the fact that she's accusing him of being some kind of heartless monster when he's trying to help her is...
well, it's kind of fucked up, honestly.]
no subject
Though she's becoming less sure with every word he speaks that she doesn't want a fight. ]
Don't talk to me like I don't understand anything! And don't talk to me about who cares and who doesn't! Do you care about me, Noctis? You don't even know me! You don't know a single thing about what I am!
[ "What."
She doesn't stop, in fact steamrolling ahead without pause. ]
It's not like I care for no reason! Do you have any idea what it's like to be trapped in a situation like that?! Made for some ... some purpose that you can't escape and treated like you're just some thing that people can throw away when it breaks?! It's awful! I could run away, but maybe he can't!
[ A pause.
All at once Xion seems to realize she's finally said too much. Her face slowly pales as she claps both hands over her mouth, her expression morphing from anger into pure fear.
He'll hate her.
He'll hate her.
She should go. But she can't seem to get her legs to move. She just sits there, looking white and sick and scared. ]
no subject
I couldn't run away either. It's not that easy to run away—but that doesn't mean giving up on what's right. I exist for a purpose too, even if I wasn't made my some guy in a lab or something.
[his tone is a little darker at that. how much has he had to face that he wasn't ready to? he's not ready to be a king. he wasn't ready for regis to die, for his home to be stolen. he wasn't ready to fight off magitek troopers—
or what happened to luna.
or ignis.
he hasn't been able to run from a single thing that he's wanted to, because he exists for a purpose. to be king. to be... a true king?
something like that.
luna's words reverberate in his head, and he loses track of things in his own emotions—noct himself is on the verge of tears from how frustrated and overwhelming it is to have to admit all that, but he doesn't seem to shy away from the words she says, either.]
I don't care what you are. [he finally says—after an alarmingly long silence, tone grim... but still honest. that's been the thing with noct this whole conversation, hasn't it? there's still a note of honesty to it.] I care about who you are and what you're about.
[that's where he's hung up.] Don't... you're not the same as that guy, so don't like you are.
no subject
And when he doesn't, when the silence ends not with a repudiation but with acceptance, she doesn't know ... what to do.
I don't care what you are.
The words shiver through her, more than her small frame can bear to have echoing through her bones, and Xion has to shut her eyes. All at once she seems very tired, maybe even more than the (horrifying) excitement of the day might warrant. This isn't physical tiredness. It's spirit tiredness. Whatever makes her who she is is tired, in a fundamental way. She has to swallow before she can speak, finally lowering her hands and twisting them so tight in her lap they shake a little. ]
... I'm more like him than I'm like a human, [ she murmurs, because there's no point in being coy anymore. ] I was built for a purpose, just like he was. If I didn't fulfill it, they'd destroy me.
[ Xion glances off to one side, her eyes hooded. There is one thing that's been eating at her, something she can't reconcile. ]
Although... one day, I ran away. I ran away over and over. So why...
[ ... hasn't he?
She's warred with herself silently over this issue so much she's starting to lose track of her thoughts, where her own arguments end and begin. If he's programmed that way, he has no choice. But if he thinks and feels to the level she's been arguing, can't he form his own feelings about it? If he has, does that mean he accepts what's going on? Is he just ... okay with it? Is he being threatened if he fails to comply? Does it matter? She risked destruction for what was right. But can she expect that of anyone else?
Slowly she shakes her head and closes her eyes again. ]
I'm sorry, [ she finally whispers, opening her eyes and keeping them mostly lidded as she stares at the ground. ] I shouldn't have said ... any of that. My superiors used to threaten to get rid of me or even destroy me if I wasn't good enough, and I guess ... the way everyone hates the Sheriff reminds me of what that was like.
[ A pause, and a sigh. ]
I know you're not like that. I guess...
[ Finally, she spreads her hands and stares down at them, very sad. ]
I can't set him free if he doesn't want to be.
no subject
[that's the first thing that comes out of his mouth; it's thoughtless, but honest. it's how he sees things, because... regardless of what she is or how she came to be?
she has things she cares about, doesn't she? she values her own life enough to run away from the threats on her life, then... that's human enough to him. it doesn't really matter what someone is anyway, as long as they're trying to do the actual right thing.
to noctis, that sets her well enough apart from someone like the sheriff, who doesn't show any remorse for anything that's been going on.
but he's not great with his words in situations like this, so he's not really sure how to express that to her.]
Don't... really know much about what you are, or your purpose, or whatever. But you're not like him. Nobody's... gonna hate you for that. Not everyone here is human anyway.
[people like milla and ash aren't, after all.] That guy's 40 tons of trouble in a 20 ton metallic shell.
[or something like that. noct doesn't really know what he's made of but it's the idea here.] You're a victim, like the rest of us. That guy and who he answers to—
[they're the enemy. because there's nothing good at all that comes from people who seek out murder for sport or entertainment.] You need to take a good look at the difference. It's not about being made, or whatever.
It's about what you do with it. With your life. How you live.