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[week three - friday]
[ The general store is quiet today.
Perhaps for obvious reasons, with three people dead and a corpse soup nearby the hotel. But it suits Xion's purposes just fine. She's in here browsing the shelves with a small bag in her hands, picking at what looks mostly like snack foods. Maybe some fruit, if it's here.
For the first time today, she doesn't have Nui's parasol on her person. She's just got walking stick and her very sad dog, who seems to be all the emoting she suddenly seems incapable of. He's slinking along after her, sometimes whining, his hears pressed flat to his head. Xion ignores him.
She only shifts her focus when someone else walks into the store to join her. She'll stare at him with a perfectly blank face. ]
Shinnosuke.
Perhaps for obvious reasons, with three people dead and a corpse soup nearby the hotel. But it suits Xion's purposes just fine. She's in here browsing the shelves with a small bag in her hands, picking at what looks mostly like snack foods. Maybe some fruit, if it's here.
For the first time today, she doesn't have Nui's parasol on her person. She's just got walking stick and her very sad dog, who seems to be all the emoting she suddenly seems incapable of. He's slinking along after her, sometimes whining, his hears pressed flat to his head. Xion ignores him.
She only shifts her focus when someone else walks into the store to join her. She'll stare at him with a perfectly blank face. ]
Shinnosuke.
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Ha...
[How should he feel about this? (It hurts to look at her.) He should be glad—there's a softness that Xion's lost, and hasn't he always mocked that sort of thing? Maybe now, she'll finally stop caring about him. If nothing else, it would be so easy, right now, to make her hate him.]
Someone's upset.
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Xion glances away from him, and keeps combing through the shelves. She's moving a little slower now, her awareness of his presence pricking at her senses.
Abruptly: ]
Have you ever loved anyone, Shinnosuke?
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... Do you really think someone like me would understand that kind of emotion?
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[ Her voice is so ... clipped. It would be cold, if there were any tone to it at all. Instead it's just flat, so apathetic she almost sounds bored. ]
Has anyone you loved ever died?
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[He keeps his face and tone empty, but unlike Xion, his retains a certain iciness to it.]
What's with all the nosiness? I get the feeling that you're not asking purely out of curiosity about my life, if at all.
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Because if you've never felt the way I do right now, you don't get to mock me or make fun of me. You don't get to push me, or test me, or try to make me do whatever it is you want me to do. You don't get to say anything to me.
[ Most of it's delivered pretty flatly, but her volume increases just enough to be noticeable as she speaks, and by the last few words, her breath shivers. But she stops abruptly there, and goes back to her browsing. ]
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There's probably something wrong with him, he figures, that a part of him's elated at her response. If she can talk like that... yeah, that's how it should be, right? Both for herself and for this farce that she's been playing with him for these past weeks.
Her little game of friendship, where she mistakenly believed that he was kind.]
Heh...
[And then, he starts laughing. It lasts only for a few moments, but during those seconds... it's not a pleasant sound.
(It's better this way.)
And when it's over, he smiles at Xion, without a trace of mirth. Bracing himself for any sudden movement from her (after all, he no longer knows what to expect), he speaks.]
You think that's how it works? You think anyone cares about what they have the right to do? How naive. How pitiful. Do you really think that something as trivial as "understanding or not understanding how you feel" would mean anything to someone like me?
[His smile widens, his eyes cold.]
If you want me to shut up that badly, then you'll have to kill me.
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She's stronger than she looks. Nearly everything about her that one might believe at first blush ends up being deceiving.
Pluto ends up bolting away from her, whimpering loudly, as she whirls around, dropping her walking stick. All the emotion that was missing suddenly comes crashing out of her, grief and rage and so much pain. ]
Why are you doing this?! [ Her voice frays hard, shorn to pieces by unshed tears. ] Why are you trying to make me hate you?!
[ A pat on her head.
Hey, pipsqueak—Xion. You here? ]
If you want to push me away or make me hate you, fine! [ Her voice is shearing harder as she just dissolves into tears, but she shouts through them nonetheless, insistent. ]
Fine! I don't understand, I'll never understand -- un, unless you just let me. But you can do whatever you want! Just...
[ it hurts
it hurts, it hurts, she wants to throw up ]
Just not today, [ she whispers, breaking into pieces before him. ] Please. Not today.
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It's just further proof that this is the right decision. (Or something like that, because honestly, he doesn't know anymore. He hasn't for a while.)
And finally, she yells at him like that, making him bear the brunt of her pain, and it almost feels like a victory.]
Good.
[He says simply, with the same hollow smile.
It's eating him up inside to push Xion this far, but it's fine, he tells himself. It's for the better, and besides, others can reassure her. She doesn't need him; she never has, and she won't from this point onwards either.
(And if you break her for good? What then?)
(Then she was never going to last in the first place.)]
It's because I hate you. [So hate me in return.] But I'm glad we have that settled, so don't come near me from now on. If it's comfort you're looking, go find someone like Yuna.
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[ She's crying in earnest now, but apparently more interested in yelling at him than doing something about it. She takes a step forward and immediately caves, apparently having forgotten, for the moment, that her heel is still definitely broken. When she topples to the floor it's with a soft cry, but she immediately pushes herself up on her hands. She doesn't want him to come near her, and if it means very painfully climbing to her feet even if her heel is screaming, so be it. ]
You don't hate me. You're such a bad liar!
[ She's now leaning heavily on a stand in the middle of the store, her chest heaving both with pain and with tears. ]
I just don't get it! Is it like ... you think you deserve to be hated? I don't...
[ Finally she starts to quiet, pulling her emotions and her tears and tying it all up as tight as she can. ]
... you're the one that came in here, [ she points out, sounding more level now even though she's still leaning on the stand, still staring intensely at the floor. ] It's not like I came to you.
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... She's still choosing, isn't she? Choosing not to hate him, even with what he is. Why? It's not like she even has what Gunjou and the others have—witnessing one of his worst moments of weakness, when he caved and played the part of a "hero".
He feels like he's the one who doesn't get it.]
... You don't need to understand anything. Just ignore my presence from now on. That should be easy, right?
[If he's causing her pain, then why shouldn't she avoid him? Shouldn't that be how it works?]
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It was maybe the opposite of that. Or ... is that just what she wants to believe?
For a moment she doesn't reply, just trying to calm down and steady her breathing. Pluto, scared and unhappy, picks up her walking stick in his mouth and shuffles over to her, butting her in the leg with his head. It's with a soft sound she realizes what he's done and reaches to take the walking stick from him. Using it to steady herself makes her feel fractionally better.
The bag she had with her is now on the floor, too. Xion pats Pluto on the head, and he seems to understand, moving over to catch it up in his mouth. ]
.... it wouldn't be easy, [ she says, very quiet. She's nearly back into the state she was in when he found her. Just ... not quite. There's a core of raw vulnerability there still exposed to the air. ]
It wouldn't be easy at all. I really care about you, Shinnosuke. Even if I wanted to, I don't think I could ignore you forever. ... you're right, I think. I'm pretty pitiful after all.
[ Her voice is only just barely above a whisper by the end. Finally, finally composed, she looks up at him. ]
... I have something to do. Could you leave me alone? I don't have time to keep crying.
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He stares at her when she tells him that she cares about him, because frankly, something like that is still beyond his comprehension. He's done nothing worth caring about. (You're an idiot, and he's not sure whom he means.)
But Xion tells him to leave her alone, and—yeah, he can do that, can't he? A part of him says he shouldn't, because he still hasn't won yet and there's more damage he can do, but...
In the end, he doesn't know if he wants to try.]
Yes, yes. I'll leave you to mope.
[He waves a hand, before turning around.
... Ready to pull out his gun if need be, since he's not completely convinced Xion won't attack him, but.]
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[ She'll stop him just as he's about to head out the door. She's got her bag back from Pluto, and she's hanging onto it as she looks at him. Her expression is so ... tired. It makes her look older than she is. ]
Be careful, okay?
[ It's not like there will be a murder tonight.
Probably.
But ...
...
Better safe than sorry. ]
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...
[Well then.
He frowns for a moment, before he smiles frivolously, waves, and then exits.]