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[week five - thursday]
[ Tired is starting to feel like such an inadequate word for how she feels all the time.
Sunset on Thursday finds her sitting on the porch of the hotel, bracing the heels of her palms on the wood beneath her and staring up at the sky. Watching blue slowly fade into purple and orange reminds her of...
... long ago times, that she'll never have again.
It's nicer to while away the time out here than it is inside. She always gets caught up in her own head when she stays in the hotel lounge, her thoughts chasing themselves in increasingly nasty circles and haunted by images she can't forget burned into the backs of her eyelids. Out here, with a faint breeze stirring her hair, she feels more ... peaceful.
What she isn't expecting is...
... ...
Really, it's probably not a good thing she's gotten so attached.
But she'll smile anyway, even if he can't see it, when he approaches. ]
Hey, Shinnosuke.
[ She's not ... like, cheerful. Honestly, she hasn't been that way in a long while. But this is ... the best she can do, you know? ]
Sunset on Thursday finds her sitting on the porch of the hotel, bracing the heels of her palms on the wood beneath her and staring up at the sky. Watching blue slowly fade into purple and orange reminds her of...
... long ago times, that she'll never have again.
It's nicer to while away the time out here than it is inside. She always gets caught up in her own head when she stays in the hotel lounge, her thoughts chasing themselves in increasingly nasty circles and haunted by images she can't forget burned into the backs of her eyelids. Out here, with a faint breeze stirring her hair, she feels more ... peaceful.
What she isn't expecting is...
... ...
Really, it's probably not a good thing she's gotten so attached.
But she'll smile anyway, even if he can't see it, when he approaches. ]
Hey, Shinnosuke.
[ She's not ... like, cheerful. Honestly, she hasn't been that way in a long while. But this is ... the best she can do, you know? ]
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[He listens to the sound of her tapping, amidst her voice.]
Probably. When you get down to it, this game would be easier if we all cooperated, but it's impossible to ask for that sort of trust.
... It's not too late, though. The game hasn't ended yet. Have you figured out anything, at least?
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Hm.
Well, anyway. His question produces a silence of a different character. Xion's silences are normally all waiting hush, the held breath before one speaks like there's always something she wants to say but simply won't let herself voice. This silence is different. Its quality is still and empty, and has an unknowable depth.
Does Xion ... trust Shinnosuke?
She knows how she feels about him, sure. She knows that she spends more time with him than with anyone else, except perhaps for Percy. She knows that she might one day be very foolish, and do something she'll regret in the name of protecting him.
But does she trust him? Trust him to save her life? Trust him to simply not take it? Even if she can, can she trust he won't do that to someone else? ]
... a few things, [ she finally says. ] A little bit about what this world really is, and some things about the roles.
[ Another pause. When she speaks again, it's with a seriousness he'll have very rarely heard from her. There's a sense of urgency to the way she says it. ]
Shinnosuke... I have to be sure. Can you promise me you're telling the truth when you say you don't have a role? It's really, really important.
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Xion is probably one. He cares about her.
... And in spite of everything, he believes that she wants to do good in this game and will do so. (Just as he does, as much as he might try to deny it.) Knowing that, his response is:]
I promise.
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she sags with relief, her sigh audible. For a moment she caves, physically and figuratively, and he'll feel a touch on his shoulder which just happens to be her forehead, because she's leaned over to press into him just a little. ]
Good. I'm really glad ... you told me that.
[ It's with another, more expansive sigh that she sits up again, trying to master her emotions. ]
I've actually learned a lot. The names of some of the roles, and even what some of them do. I don't know who any of them are, except for two. And I found out why this world has always felt so strange to me. [ ... ] I can explain a little, if you want, but you have to be really careful who you decide to tell.
... what about you? Is there anything you've figured out?
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He lets out a quiet laugh.]
... Xion, if I was going to tell anyone anything... [He pauses, because this is awkward to say, but:] ... you'd probably be one of the first.
[At the very least... he's pushed away just about everyone else. Xion is the only one where he knows he truly failed in that regard and, in the end, accepted that failure.]
I know the names of a few roles. [Then, almost wryly:] I'll admit, though, that I've spent more energy dealing with you than anything.
[Trying to keep her away, and then giving in, that is.]
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.................... ah.
Xion finds herself just openly staring at him as he laughs and tells her ... that.
Whatever she was expecting, it wasn't that at all. He ... trusts her? He trusts her ... that much? It doesn't sound like one of his bad jokes. It sounds like he's telling her the truth.
It is for the best for them both that he won't be able to see the way she turns quite pink as she nervously frowns down at her knees.
Come on, Xion, focus!
With a rough shake of her head, she'll nudge him. ]
I'm not that tough to deal with, am I?
[ It's a joke both quiet and gentle, given the circumstances, and she'll continue on slightly more seriously. ]
Which ones? I wonder if they're the same ones I know.
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At the question, he's silent for a moment, going over what he knows, before:]
Aside from the Coal Miner, which Mr. Sheriff told us about... I've heard about the Bartender and Doctor.
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I've heard about those, too. But I don't know anything about who they are, or what they do. It's so frustrating!
[ Xion groans openly as she lets her head fall back on her shoulders. ]
I can't find anything out because no one will tell me. But if we don't all share information, we'll never figure anything out! Or ... the people who know could just get killed. It's ... the worst.
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[His hand moves, and for a moment, he almost reaches to pat her—but he stops himself in time.]
Were those the only other roles you've heard of too? There's also the question of how many there are to begin with.
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... no, there's more. A lot more. [ ... ] ... there's a Deputy, and someone called a Madame, too.
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... Really going with the Wild West theme here, but that's not surprising. I'm guessing you don't know what those do either, huh? Though their names might be a hint...
["Bandit" is a pretty obvious one, at least.]
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I've been thinking about it a lot. A Deputy sounds like ... someone who keeps the order, right? Like they'd work with the Sheriff. [ A pause. ] The Doctor keeps confusing me. It sounds really straightforward, but Dr. Lecter almost seems ... too obvious, somehow.
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[He wouldn't be surprised, given that it's the Sheriff.]
You think the Deputy might be something like that "Bandit leader" you brought up before? Given the duty in question, it could fit with someone who works with the Sheriff and kills Bandits.
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There is no bandit leader, [ she finally says. ] But there is ... a leader. I don't think anyone knows who they are, or even if their role is one of the ones we already know about. Maybe it is the Deputy, but... I'm not sure. We just know so little. I think ... getting rid of them could end the game.
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[Hmm.]
Why do you think that?
[Then again, the Sheriff did mention how there were other conditions to end the game beyond the last one standing.]
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[ She turns her head to smoosh her cheek on her knee, which might have the effect of making her voice sound a little squashed, too. ]
... I've spent all week trying to find out who it could be with no success.
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[If killing a single person could end the game... then it might be worth going for it. It's disgusting to think about, but...]
So you plan on going that route, then?
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It shouldn't be me. If I tried, and failed... it would be a disaster. But I'd probably... try and find some way to help someone else do it.
[ There's a pause, and she gives a little mirthless laugh. ]
That must sound so horrible.
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I'm an awful person, remember? I'd probably do it. [...] Well, maybe if it was someone I cared about... maybe not.
[In the end, he might be a coward too.]
A disaster, though? What, are you worried that you'll embarrass yourself in your failed murder attempt?
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If I tried and failed, the leader would know they'd been found out. And then ... who knows what would happen?
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They'd definitely kill me. After that, who knows?
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[Then again, things went downhill from there.]
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I guess I just hadn't even gotten that far. It's not like I know who they are. If I really did find out, for real...
[ ... ]
I don't know, [ she says, and the answer is something of a revelation even to her. ] If I told everyone, that person wouldn't be able to hide. We might not even have to kill them. But, for some reason... the thought of doing that makes me feel nervous.
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Well, to me, the reason seems pretty obvious. You'd be asking the public to lynch them—someone who could be completely innocent, beyond the bad luck of having that role. And even if we wouldn't have to kill them... not everyone might immediately assume that.
Until you know who it is, it's risky pulling off a move like that.
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