ceded | [week six

I don't really have anywhere in mind...

[ She'll rest a hand on his arm properly, to help guide him, but there she pauses, thinking of something. ]

Did you get your letters last week, Shinnosuke? Maybe we could head to the post office first.

[ Since it occurs to her she didn't read them to him. (It does not occur to her that he could have just asked someone else.) ]

Nah, I already went and got them.

[And he'd... rather not have to step into the post office any more than necessary.

He fishes some papers out of his pocket, feeling them before putting back all but two: Higekiri and Simon's letters.]

Haven't read them yet, though.

[ Xion will reach out, but not actually take them - she brushes her fingers across the paper. ]

... Higekiri wrote something for me, too. [ Soft. ] I was really surprised. It was so ... sweet.

[ And he was a Bandit who helped kill someone. The cognitive dissonance this place has required of her is a mental strain she's not been good at handling. ]

Want to head for the church? It's quiet there, and I can read your letters to you.

[Well, sounds like Higekiri, from what he knows of the guy.]

... Sure. Lead the way.

[It's been a while since he was last there, he thinks. Seizaburo.]

[ The church makes her think of Seizaburo, too. It also makes her think of Russell.

There really isn't a single space in this town that's safe anymore.

She'll hum, more to give him something to hear than anything else, and do just that. The walk is quiet, and she doesn't try to initiate conversation on the way. Just thinks of her own letters, and of everyone they've lost.

The church is as empty and as quiet as promised, and she finds herself staring up at the ceiling. ]

... you know, when we all first got here, I sat in here for hours memorizing one of the rulebooks. I kept thinking if I studied it enough, I might be able to find some sort of loophole. [ The sound she makes isn't quite a laugh, mostly because it's too sad. ] I'm sure you can guess how that turned out.

[Why are you telling me this? is always a question on the tip of his tongue, brought forth by the cold, logical part of his mind. On an emotional level, though, he knows why Xion feels the need to say these things.]

Better than not trying. There's a lot we weren't told, so it didn't hurt to look for loopholes.

[ They couldn't possibly be more different people, in that regard. There's no logic to the story, no intent at all. Just a feeling like she should say something, driven by nostalgia and regret. It would be a surprise to her to even consider some kind of motive. ]

No kidding. [ She'll guide them to a pew, releasing him once it's safe enough that she thinks he won't fall on his face and they can both sit down. Her injured leg she stretches out with a quiet sigh, as usual. It hurts, literally all the time, but some days are worse than others. She is largely pretty good at ignoring the nagging awful ache. ]

Can you imagine what it'd've been like if we knew back then everything we know now? 'Course, I guess that was probably the point. We had to earn what we know ... is what I'm sure the Sheriff would say.

[Shinnosuke doesn't have Xion's ache—thankfully—but as he sits down, it's nice to be able to put away his walking stick and not have to hold it anymore.]

Yeah. [He lets out a scoff.] Can't have this game be too easy, after all.

[If back then, they'd known everything they know now... everyone (minus a few) probably would've been able to work together from the beginning. Now, they're all left with their distrust.]

Easy! [ She says it with some small disgust, and mostly exasperation, throwing her hands up without thinking about how he'll not be able to see the motion. ] Because it shouldn't be easy to get out of a horrible game where everyone kills each other, that's for sure.

[ .... sarcasm! she's grown so much as a person.

Still, she quickly heaves a sigh. ]

... there aren't that many of us left. It's going to have to end soon, one way or another. Even if the way we win the game really is killing each other until only one person is left... if we keep going like this, that won't take much longer.

Mmm.

[He makes a noncommittal sound. He's not sure if the dullness he feels is from a refusal to accept his potential fate or if he's simply too desensitized to it all.]

But that's what this is for, right? [This discussion.] To end it on our own terms, whenever that may be.

... that's right. [ much more gently. ] Figuring out how to do it... without anyone else dying. Which means ... convincing everyone who's still here not to kill anyone else.

[Easier said than done, unfortunately.]

Yeah. So, like we planned, going over each player left and figuring out if they'll be a problem?

Mhm. [ Xion braces her hands on the pew, tilting her head back to stare at the ceiling. ] I think there's some people we won't really need to worry about, though we should still talk about them. But then there's some of the others... like Ash. [ With a bit of a sigh. ]

There's Will, too. I think he just kind of ... doesn't care? [ Some small frustration threads her tone. ]

[...]

Will doesn't seem to care about anything except for Dr. Lecter. Good for him. But that makes him something of a wildcard if we're going for a "no-kill" route...

The only way to convince him might be through Dr. Lecter. Which means we need to convince Dr. Lecter more than we need to convince Will. I don't think he'd say no, though. If anything, I think he'd like to see all of this end as much as we do...

[He hums.]

I haven't talked to the doctor that often. You really trust him to choose that option, though? Or that he'd trust you?

... he told me once that he was scared he wouldn't be able to save me.

[ Well. That wasn't his exact wording, but close enough.

... it's nothing, right? This small ... feeling. With Felix dying... she's been overthinking it, for sure. ]

I do trust him. I think he'd send everyone home.

...

[He's quiet for a moment, before taking in a breath. There's so much to risk with this, but... he wants to believe that he can trust her.]

Xion. If he and I had opposing ideas, whom would you choose to believe in: me or him?

[ She pulls in a breath, staring at him.

Why ... would he ask her something like that?

Finding her fingers curling up tight into fists without even realizing it, Xion swallows and stares at the pew in front of them for a long, quiet moment, feeling more torn than perhaps she's felt since she got here. He's asking her to choose, definitively, between two of the people she trusts most. Two of the people she cares about most. It is so much more impossible than he could begin to realize. Dr. Lecter has looked after her since the very beginning. He and Natalie were the first two people to really encourage her to start thinking of her own life as being something worth valuing. She once fell asleep with her hand in his, feeling safe.

Dr. Lecter never found her in a store and attacked her just in the hopes that she'd leave him alone.

... ]

... I really do think ... that he cares about me. But...

[ This person beside her ... has become so much of her world. It wasn't Dr. Lecter who was with her and calmed her shaking when she was hysterical over the thought of killing a friend. It hasn't been Dr. Lecter working with her, talking to her, making theories and trying to figure this place out. Dr. Lecter takes care of her. But Shinnosuke ... walks with her.

She hates this. She hates this. But if it's Shinnosuke ... he wouldn't ask her something like this without a reason. She has to believe in that. ]

... I trust you, [ she breathes. ] More than anything.

[ ... ]

But why...?

[Again, he takes a second or so to be silent, his hand curling in tightly. He's never liked extending his faith like this, but he knows that he has to, if he wants to Xion to believe him in turn.]

... Anything I say here—you can't repeat back to him. Understood? If you do, then there's a chance that I—or other people that you and I care about—will die.

[And it's rare for him to even admit to caring, but hopefully it'll demonstrate to Xion just how serious he is.]

Got it?

[ She watches his face, blindfolded these days, but hard now, carved out of his seriousness and intent. A face she's all too used to seeing curved in a flippant smirk. It's always easy to tell when Shinnosuke really cares about something; he stops trying to put up a front like he doesn't.

Once, she asked him if she could walk beside him, and his answer was okay. It's time to repay that faith. ]

I understand. I promise, Shinnosuke. [ Very somber herself. For this and for many reasons, she understands the stakes. ]

[Mentally, he apologizes—to his sister, to himself, and to others. And along those lines, in his mind, he thanks Xion. If she's being sincere, then that means a lot to him.

There's no going back now.]

First off, exactly how much do you know about the Deputy role? All of its duties?

I ...

[ Now is when she starts to frown, and one of her hands will find his arm. Her touch is a question. ]

I don't. I was never able to find out.

[He hopes she's telling the truth. Or is he? If she's lying, this might all be easier, for both him and her.

But if she's lying, then perhaps this is his downfall, for trusting her.]

First off, I suspect that they're one of the roles where, if they kill someone specific, they win the game. I've already told you what the danger is there.

[If the Deputy is someone who can't be trusted to revive everyone...]

Secondly, they have a choice: each week, they can choose either to protect someone from being murdered that week... or to put them at greater risk. [...] By placing them in the stocks.

... In other words, there was no need for the stocks to be used at all. The Deputy could've chosen to help us, but instead, from the beginning of the game—starting with Jason—they chose to endanger us and encourage us to kill one another.

What do you make of someone like that?

... the stocks role ... is the Deputy?

[ Her voice is hushed. A great many pieces are coming together.

That he's telling her this within the same breath as asking her if she'll trust him over Dr. Lecter,

threatens to shatter her entire worldview. ]

Someone who puts their own survival first, [ she instantly whispers. Remembering words, so many words, delivered very gently and always with care, but nonetheless.

Strength is to survive. ]

He can't know who the Bounty Leader is, [ she adds, too, since that turns out to be something she knew. She never told Shinnosuke, out of a desire to protect him, but that hardly seems to matter now. Or rather, now seems like when he needs to know, if he didn't already. ] He can't. He'll--

[ Her hand on his arm starts to grip, It's a little tight. ]

Dr. Lecter ... he's the Deputy? He put you and everyone else in danger?

[He's not surprised that Xion withheld that information from him. As it was, he too has lied, but always with good intentions.

Please let the way Xion grips him be out of worry, or something like that. Not because she's afraid that he's caught onto something he shouldn't. Please let Xion be trustworthy.]

Dr. Lecter is the Deputy.

[It's not quite confirmed, but it's far more than mere conjecture. At any rate, he'll probably hear soon enough whether or not it's for certain.]

That "nice guy" attitude of his is probably just an act. Even if he didn't have that role... I've talked to other people, and it turns out that he's said a lot of suspicious things. Little things that didn't mean anything in context alone, but... he knows too much, both about this game and how to read people—how to read sociopaths especially. Of course, that could just be because, as it turns out, he used to profile serial killers, but...

Will's also implied that Dr. Lecter's a murderer and a manipulative bastard. [...] And the Sheriff has told someone that the Deputy is the "good guy" while the Bounties are the "bad guys", but that the characters of the chosen people don't necessarily correlate.

... And Dr. Lecter himself told someone that he thinks the Sheriff would pick the opposite kind of people for the Bounties. People who don't like killing, being put in a role that asks for it. Wouldn't it then make sense for the "good guy" role, the Deputy, to be a murderer?

[Now, his voice gets a tad desperate.]

You have to keep all this a secret, Xion. I'm not even supposed to be telling you any of this.

[ Xion doesn't let go of his arm. But she does double over, her hand pressed hard over her mouth, as she tries to survive everything she's believed for weeks being so abruptly shattered right before her eyes.

Everything he'd ever done... seeking her out after trials to pull her into his arms, offering her advice and listening to her troubles, letting himself be led away when she desperately needed someone to talk to...

... was it all ... an act? Has he ever ... really cared about her? It still feels so real. His hand caressing her face, and his arms around her shoulders. His warm voice, always so careful, always so caring.

Always telling her that it was okay to want to survive.

It wasn't until Felix told her the same thing that she even began to start to think something might be wrong. And even then, she'd chalked it up to her grief over Felix being dead clouding her judgment. There was no way Dr. Lecter meant it the same way.

Until it became clear, all at once, that he may really have meant it the same way after all.

It takes her a long few moments. Maybe she cries a little. If she does, her tears are silent and quickly wiped away.

By the time she sits up, she's calm. Just a slightly more broken and mistrusting person than she was a few moments ago. A condition this town has steadily pushed her towards, over and over, with every death and every betrayal.

A deep breath. ]

... I don't know what Dr. Lecter is really like. I guess all this time I've never really known. But we have to keep the Bounty Leader, and everyone else, safe from him and Will. If appearances are what matters to Dr. Lecter so much, then maybe the appearance of wanting to play along will be enough to get him to agree.

[ That last sentence is very, very bitter. ]

I wonder ... if he put you in the stocks because of me. The same week you were chosen, I ...

[ .... ]

I want him to go home, Shinnosuke, [ she says, flat and cold. ] And then I never want to see him again. Don't worry. I won't tell anyone.

[He can't see Xion's reaction, but he can guess. She's... probably a little heartbroken, he figures. Maybe more than a little. That's the price of choosing to believe in others. It's why he's kept his distance, and even now, he's bracing himself for betrayal—from her, especially.

Even he wouldn't be able to bear that without faltering.

He doesn't know what Xion means when she wonders about when he was in the stocks. He's not sure if he wants to.]

... Talk to Percy, at least. He needs to know that I told you. [A pause, before he laughs bitterly.] Geez, he's going to be pissed off. I seriously wasn't supposed to...

[Why did he? He still doesn't entirely know. Damn it, Percy really is going to be upset with him.

Slumping a tad and leaning forward, he continues, more quietly.]

Frankly, I thought you were the Deputy at first. Then, that it was Dr. Lecter and he was using you. [...] That was... part of why I kept warning you. Not to let yourself be manipulated, I mean.

[This next part, too, is another risk to say, but he feels he has to admit it—even though, again, it may not be for logical reasons.]

I've lied to you as well. [Perhaps part of his insistence stemmed from his own guilt.] But please believe me when I say that it was never to hurt you, and that everything I've said now is the truth.

[Not all of the truth, but as much as he can give her right now. If it's everything that he knows... that impacts more than just him, and he can't endanger others with his own selfishness.]

... Percy ...

[ She actually laughs, a truly heartbroken sound. ]

He is going to be mad. I'll say I made you tell me, don't worry. He's ... been trying to protect me. I guess now I see why.

[ ... ]

If I'd been the Deputy, I would have tried to protect everyone, [ she whispers, finding herself staring at the ceiling again. ] That's the one thing I've always felt like I could never do. The morning I found out you were in the stocks was ... one of the scariest things I've ever--

[ ..... ]

I know, [ is what she ends up saying, the words a sigh. ] I lied to you, too. Knowing anything about the Bounty Leader could be really dangerous, and I didn't want to put you at risk.

[ There's quiet, for a moment.

Then Xion finally lets go of his arm, but it's only to find his hand, instead. She curls her fingers through his, gentle as anything, and finally leans her head on his shoulder, actually made somewhat easier by the fact that he's leaning forward. There, and only there, will she shut her eyes.

This might be one of the only places she can really feel safe anymore. ]

I trust you. [ Now her voice is a whisper as she reaffirms those words. ] I'm with you till the very end, Shinnosuke.

...

[It might be a surprise to Xion—it's a surprise to Shinnosuke—but when she finishes speaking, when she takes his hand and leans on him, he lets out a choked laugh, the energy fleeing his body. (He can't cry, not since the damage to his eyes, but he almost wants to.) It's such a relief, to be told that.

He thought she might hate him. That she might never trust him again.

He wasn't sure what he would do, if that happened.]

... I think Seizaburo might've been a Bandit that week. He's probably why I'm still alive.

[...]

Thank you.

[Not to Sei, though he supposes that he should thank her too, if he gets the chance.

But to Xion, for being with him until the end. Telling her might've still been a mistake, and he'll have to face Percy's wrath, but until then... if only for this moment, he'll choose to believe.]

[ It isn't really what she was expecting to hear. But then again, she wasn't really sure how she thought he'd react. A broken laugh was as likely as any other response.

She can't help but think about what it means, her faith in him. She had faith in Hannibal, too. In Sei. In Chane. She has been betrayed over and over and over, been forced to dramatically readjust how it is she even sees other people.

She wants to believe Shinnosuke doesn't have a role, like he says. That he really is telling him the truth right now. That he cares for her, that he really does trust her, that he isn't doing this to manipulate her into a false sense of security so he can turn around and, perhaps quite literally, stab her in the back.

All she can do is believe. Maybe once, just once, she won't have her heart broken.

In the end, all she does is hum a very gentle mhm, still holding his hand and leaning against him. She knows they should keep going, name more names and discuss the problems and the challenges, but she's kind of still reeling. They can return to this later. ]

Can we stay here for a while?

[Honestly, part of why he wanted to do this to begin with was to gauge her opinion of Hannibal, but... with that done, he supposes the rest can wait, even though they really should get to it.

There's so much to dread (Percy's reaction being one of them; he has no justification for this), so much to worry about. Still, the exhaustion has caught up with him. He chides himself for it, because he shouldn't be so weak, and yet, he still is.]

... Yeah, sure.

[As always, he should push her away. He shouldn't let her get close. As always, though, he can never bring himself to go all the way. He's fairly certain that whatever she feels for him, it's not requited, but...

This is the cost of loneliness, in the end.]

[week six - monday]

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